Eggshell Experiment
by MAndrews
Summary: Post BDM OneShot. River tries to sort out some things, but doesn't predict all the variables.


Disclaimer: Firefly is a Joss-verse, I am just playing with it.

Author's Note: Reposting this because not all of it was showing up the first time for some reason.

* * *

River considered sneaking into Jayne's room and taking one of his guns, but ever since Miranda, the crew's reaction to seeing her with a weapon could be unpredictable and if they didn't react how she wanted, she wouldn't accomplish anything.

_---_

Mal was grabbing something to drink when he heard the angry yelling coming from the infirmary. He jumped up immediately and hurried towards the shouting. River had been a bit difficult at breakfast, pouring Jayne's juice all over the table, and from the stressed look on Simon's face when Mal had seen him twenty minutes ago, he'd assumed she was still having a bad day.

Mal reached the infirmary and stopped short, staring in shock at the scene in front of him. He had fully expected to find Jayne bawling Simon out for whatever new crazy thing River had done. He certainly had _not_ expected to find the Tam siblings standing toe to toe and shouting at each other in a language he didn't recognize.

'_Knew the boy would snap someday. No one can bottle things up forever._' Still, shouting at his fragile sister was something he would likely regret later, and wouldn't exactly be good for her either.

"Hey!" Mal shouted, stepping forward and carefully pushing the Tams apart. He was aware of the rest of the crew gathering behind him but focussed on the ones in front of him. "Alright, let's everybody calm down," he continued in his best captain-y voice when Simon and River stopped shouting.

"What's goin' on?" Kaylee asked anxiously, entering the room herself. She looked torn between comforting her lover or comforting her friend and hesitated just behind Mal.

"What's going on is that River is being a complete and utter brat!" Simon snapped, glaring at his sister who crossed her arms and pouted.

"I'm sure she's not doing it on purpose," Inara said soothingly. "She's just having a bad day. I can look after her for a while if you need a break."

"No one is looking after her, she doesn't need it. She is going to her room and staying there until she starts behaving better!"

"Simon!" Kaylee protested. River responded by throwing a roll of bandages at her brother and Mal noticed for the first time what a mess the usually immaculate infirmary was. More surprising, however, was the fact that Simon caught the bandages and threw them back at her. River ducked, grabbed a bottle of pills and threw that at her brother. Simon made an almost inarticulate sound when it bounced off his shoulder and lunged forward to grab her. She darted around the examining table to avoid him and Simon chased her. On their third pass Mal finally managed to grab Simon's arm and bring him to a stop while River darted behind Zoe who had come in when they'd started running. River peeked out from behind the first mate and watched her brother glaring at her with her own eyes widened.

"Right, 'Nara, I think you had a good notion. Why don't you and Kaylee take River somewhere quiet and entertain her for a while." Inara nodded and gently took River's arm and began leading her out of the room.

Kaylee moved to follow. "Yeah, we can get your paints and you can make us a nice picture."

"No painting!" Simon said firmly, pulling away from Mal and going after River again.

"Painting always seems to calm her down," Zoe pointed out as River darted behind her again. Simon wisely seemed to decide that chasing his sister around Zoe would not be a good idea and stopped, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at River when she peeked out at him again.

"She's not having an episode. She's just being a brat. Just like when we were children. She can't do anything the easy way, always has to find the most complicated and annoying way of doing anything just to prove how smart she is!"

"Come on Simon, you know she ain't doin' it on purpose." Kaylee said gently.

"I'm sorry," River offered in a small voice.

Simon's scowl deepened. "Go se!"

"I am!" she protested, eyes widening even further.

"Go se," Simon repeated through gritted teeth. "You've gotten exactly what you wanted. Why would you be sorry?" River frowned.

"The ingredients were perfect and mixed in proper quantities. Every variable was anticipated. But one always goes wrong. It doesn't behave though it should behave best. Problematic. Results appear right on the screen but in practice are not what they should be."

"I'm sure we'll work it out," Inara assured her gently, taking her arm again and attempting to lead her away.

"That is exactly what I'm talking about!" Simon said before Inara had even gotten her a step away. "Speaking in riddles, making everyone guess what she's saying instead of saying it straight out. I spent half my childhood puzzling out what she'd said to me just so she'd give me my books back!"

"He's forgotten the rules, or changed them. But he didn't tell her," River said softly, distantly, her mind apparently only partially on the here and now, though Mal didn't like to think where the rest of it might be.

"You know it ain't her fault." Mal said, trying to remind Simon how protective he usually was of his mei mei.

"Of course it's her fault. She's doing it on purpose." River shuffled her feet.

"Simon, stop it, you're upsetting her!" Kaylee scolded, putting her arm around the younger girl.

Asserting his authority Mal stepped forward again. "Alright, everybody needs a break and to calm down. 'Nara, Kaylee, you take River on out of here, the rest of us will head up to the kitchen. Jayne, why don't you go grab some of Kaylee's engine wine or sake if we've got any left."

"Simon doesn't drink sake," River piped up. "Not since he became a surgeon cause he and his..."

Simon cut her off. "The reasons I don't drink sake are none of their business. And they're none of yours either, so just be quiet! For five minutes!"

River froze for a moment, except for her eyes which darted around as though she were reading something no one else could see. She looked confused.

"Stop yelling at her!" Kaylee said protectively. "Maybe you're the one needs to be alone til you can behave!"

"I know she's been a but frustrating, doc, but don't you think you might be overreacting just a little?" Zoe put in, trying to sound calming.

Simon pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. "No, actually, I don't think I'm overreacting," he said after taking a moment to force some semblance of rationality into his voice. "I understand that you don't see what she's doing, but I assure you, it's on purpose and it is extremely annoying."

"Right, provin' how smart she is. I suppose the rest of us is just to dumb to recognize it," Kaylee snapped.

The muscles along Simon's jaw tightened and he was gritting his teeth when he spoke again. "That is not what I said, actually."

"Sounded kinda like it to me," Jayne grumbled. Mal was vaguely surprised he'd stayed out of things so long.

"Well, it wasn't!" Simon responded. He turned back to his sister. "I hope you're pleased with yourself."

"That's enough doc," Mal interrupted firmly. To be honest, he was starting to worry a bit about the doctor's safety as Kaylee, Inara, and Zoe were all glaring at him while they stood between the siblings. "Now, Inara, Kaylee, go off with River. Give her a nice afternoon while her brother cleans up and cools off." Simon opened his mouth to object but Mal didn't give him a chance. "That wasn't a suggestion."

River suddenly clapped her hands over her ears and announced in a pained voice, 'Too many variables! There aren't supposed to be any more!" and ran out of the room.

"Look what you did!" Kaylee accused, glaring at Simon once more before dashing off after River with Inara and Zoe right behind her.

"Get the infirmary cleaned up, and don't come out til you're acting like a civilized person again," Mal ordered, stalking out of the room. Jayne glared at the doctor himself before following Mal up to the bridge.

"I understand that it must be stressful, looking after a crazy little sister all the time, but I thought the doc had better self-control than to take it out on her like that." Mal told Jayne as he dropped into the pilot's seat. Jayne leaned against the door frame.

"That's what happens when uptight pretty boys can't handle the stress anymore."

---

It was Zoe who found River hiding in the same compartment she'd retreated to when Book's hair had frightened her.

"River, honey, come on out," Kaylee called, crouching down to peer into the shadows River had taken refuge in.

The women could just make out her unhappy face as she peered out at them. "I'm sorry," she sniffled.

"Nothing to be sorry about sweetie," Inara soothed. "We understand."

River shook her head. "No. Still scared to break the eggs. But you broke Simon's. Wasn't supposed to happen."

"What eggs?" Kaylee asked, crawling a little way in towards the girl.

"Everyone pretended I was getting better but wouldn't break my eggs. Had to make you see, eggs can be broken now. The noise won't scare me so much. But only Simon understood and broke some for me, but I didn't think he'd step on them so hard!" She uncurled a bit to better meet Kaylee's worried gaze. "But I didn't mean to make you step on Simon's!"

Kaylee looked over her shoulder, exchanging a slightly worried, perplexed look with Inara, but Zoe crawled in beside Kaylee and met River's eyes.

'River, honey, are you saying you did piss your brother off on purpose?" River nodded and Zoe moved forward a bit more. "Why?"

"To show him my eggs are safe to break now. To prove to myself that they are, because he wouldn't if they weren't."

"Sweetheart, what are you talking about?" Inara asked softly.

"I think I know what she's talking about." Zoe said, backing up carefully until she could stand up again. "Come on out River, I think maybe you should be helping your brother clean up and apologizing again."

"What?" Kaylee demanded, barely avoiding cracking her head as she jerked up in surprise as she crawled out herself.

Zoe gave River a speculative look as she slid out after Kaylee and stood looking guiltily at her toes. "I think River deliberately provoked Simon into yelling at her, just to see if she could. We've all been telling her how much better she's getting but still treating her like she'll break at any moment."

"Mixed messages," River agreed. "Had to see which one was true."

"Oh!" Inara said softly. "We'd better go explain to him..."

"He figured it out on his own." River said. "He tried to explain, but everyone was too busy breaking his eggs and couldn't hear him over the noise."

"We should explain to Mal, then." Inara said.

"No need," a voice sighed. The three women turned to find Mal and Jayne standing just beside a large pile of crates. Mal was giving River a slightly exasperated look. "You really do know how to stir things up, don't you little albatross?"

"I'm sorry. Didn't mean to leave so many shells lying around."

"S'alright this time. 'Spect your brother needs to be hearing an apology from you more'n the rest of us." River nodded and hurried back to the infirmary.

"So she really did it all on purpose?" Jayne demanded. When everyone nodded he shook his head and headed for his bunk. "Gorram crazy girl."


End file.
